Let’s face it, Thanksgiving is upon us and things aren’t all that great. Yes, the monster-in-chief lost the election, but he and his lackeys continue dragging the country and our souls through quicksand. The carnage of the past four years is immense and will require a compelling vision of what might be, along with hard and strategic work to move us forward. Seventy million people voted for a despot, a coalition of ignorance, willful and otherwise, greed in its many forms, and fear and hatred of the other; black, brown, name your color (other than white), Muslim, Jew, Buddhist, Atheist, Gay, Lesbian, Transgender, etc. Those 70 million people live in our communities, hold public office, are in the military and police forces, sit on state and federal benches.
Not an inspiring way to wrap up 2020 and with a deadly virus still on the rampage. A disease that has taken a frightful toll in lives lost, in families devastated, in an ongoing economic nightmare.
There’s a lot we’re facing, so, What about having a good attitude?
To begin, there is precious little control any of us have in this world. To paraphrase one of my longtime teachers, We can only do what we can do, like what we like, and be who we are. To me that’s a call to action, to do what I can do, to make a difference. For those of us fortunate to have the means to care for ourselves and others, we must take those words to heart.
Having a good attitude begins with being able to appreciate ourselves, this includes an appreciation of our frailties, insecurities, and our occasional ridiculous ways of being. At times we have all behaved like the village idiot of old. It’s healthy to have a good laugh on ourselves.
We can also learn to take pleasure in what we do, in what we accomplish, in what we attempt to do. Feeling good about our efforts, even if they fall short, builds resiliency and makes it easier to try again. This is one form of self-nurturing.
Know what it is that you do well and what gives back to you. Then go find and create ways to do more of it.
What else? Generosity is at the top of my list. That same teacher, the late Sonia March Nevis, said, be generous, it’s good for your heart. Sonia was a brilliant psychotherapist, not a cardiologist, but she knew about hearts.
Make one small act of generosity, see how it feels, and let those feelings sink in. Find an excuse for a second or third act, or gesture of same. When you’re angry, frustrated, out of sorts, or worse, self-righteous, do something for others. You can help a person on the street, write a letter to, or call a friend in need, donate to an organization or cause, offer professional assistance to those who can’t afford your services. The specific act itself matters less than the doing so. We connect to another, we connect to ourselves.
I have learned that being generous is a great way to get over myself. Again, I can laugh at myself, at my self-righteousness and foolishness, I find humor in my life, that matters.
And learn to enjoy your own company . . . we are often so much alone these days.
Lastly, have an emotional gym. Equip it as you wish and set your own schedule. Some good tools to have in your gym bag are discipline, consistency, and routine, also creativity and improvisation. You decide what else. Times are hard, we need emotional strength. We require self-confidence to lead a fulfilling and self-determined life.
We are all vastly different from each other even as we are so much the same. Our attitude about our lives hugely determines how we will experience ourselves, and how others in turn, will experience us.
However, you do so, give your life meaning, honor the gifts that you have and those that you might share with others.